


Actual Psychopath

by Rsthetic



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Bottom John, Depressed John, Depression, Drugged John, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Evil Sherlock Holmes, Hurt John Watson, Johnlock - Freeform, Love, M/M, Multi, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Physical Abuse, Probably not tbh, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Self-Harming John, Suicide Attempt, TJLC, Top Sherlock, eventually everything will work out... maybe idk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-10-07
Packaged: 2018-10-15 08:08:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10552962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rsthetic/pseuds/Rsthetic
Summary: Sherlock gets off of somethings. And one of those things is when John is hurting.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm only going to state this once. If you are triggered by self-harming, suicidal tendencies or etc that you may think is bad. I wouldn't recommend reading this. I also don't upload often so yeah...

Depression doesn't help at all when everything goes wrong in one person's said life.

Inch by inch John felt like he was being consumed by this deep dark hole that is called depression and anxiety. He felt like he was trapped and just couldn't climb out. He would act as though nothing had happened to him during the day. Smiling and making jokes as usual. When night passes by, everything changes; the atmosphere, his body language, and overall his emotions.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tonight has just been one of those nights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me your opinions :))

During the nights, when John is locked up in his room, he would bring out a little box, hiding under his bed. And in that box came with new and slightly used razor blades. He would strip down, leaving himself in boxer briefs on only. John would sit on his bed and spread his things out and stare at them.

Leaning against the wall, John would cry silently, letting his feelings go free. He would then grab the nearest razor blade and start with his thighs. He would slowly drag it across, watching the blood slowly ooze out.

burning and aching for the feelings to stop, was something John always wanted and when he would harm himself in anyways, it would stop. Just not for long until he had the itching to harm himself more. Tonight has been just one of those nights. Where he didn't want to stop, unless he deemed it necessary. He would push his limits and see how far he can stand. Where afterward he only had to worry about his body. No, not his mentality, or others. But just his body and trying to preserve it.

John didn't want to save himself, but he knew that killing himself this way would be such a mess to clean up for others. So he groaned hiccuping a little after and cleaned himself up quietly. Tears rushing down his face, wishing that he wouldn't have to keep going on. This made John clean himself recklessly. After the ordeal, he quietly put the things away and slipped under his covers and cried himself to sleep.

Time has passed and John was still stuck deep in his depression. Though this time it was affecting his mornings and afternoons. He would stop eating for days, go to bars all afternoon. To only to stumble into the flat with Sherlock on the couch plucking his violin staying up to wait for him. Sherlock then began to notice that something was wrong with John.

It was late at night when John got home pissed drunk. He was stumbling around trying to sit on his favorite one seat couch. His sleeves pulled back, his cheek flushed and red. He didn't notice that Sherlock was lying down on the other couch just plucking the strings on his violin, carrying out a little tune. Until he turned his head, but at that point, Sherlock turned his and looked at John.

John was a complete mess, noted Sherlock. Sherlock knew that he just shagged a guy in a public restroom at a bar. Sherlock then made another deduction that made him stop carrying out his little tune on the violin. He noticed John had cuts on his arms. Some were vertical and others horizontal. He also noticed faint little scars. His deduction was that John was depressed and have been cutting himself for quite a while.

Eyes wondering his body, John felt unconscious. He noticed the pair of eyes land on his arms, and that's when his drunken state mind knew what was happening. Quickly he pulled his sleeves down and got up. John walked into his bedroom making sure to lock his door and just dropped onto the bed. Thinking that he will talk about it tomorrow and that he should just sleep his drunk arse off.

Having to vomit, was the first thing John thought of right when he woke up. He quickly rushed to the bathroom. Pulling the toilet seat up, and dropping his knees into the floor. Where then he leaned forward and began to projectile vomit. John's face was all sweaty and his hair was all matted up. He knew he had alcohol poisoning. Since all he drank were alcohol and hardly ate any food for the past weeks.

Groaning and in need for some medicine, he got up and went into the kitchen in search for some medicine. When his foot hit the kitchen floor, he heard someone cough and knew exactly who it was. Sherlock then begins to talk towards him, then helping John to the kitchen table so he can sit down. "Listen up, you will eat what I give you, and will take the medicine, and listen to what I have to say." So John obliged and did what he was told.

Sherlock let a few minutes pass by, letting John eat. Thinking about all the outcomes that would happen from the conversation they are about to have in a few mere seconds. "About last night," Sherlock was going to continue, but was interrupted by John. "Can we not talk about this or what you saw?" John said, continuing to chew with what was left in his mouth, then swallowing it down.

"We need to talk about those cuts on your arm. Which I kind of assume, it's the same reason why you go out in the afternoons to pubs coming back pissed drunk and smelling like a prostitute house." Sherlock said quickly to John thinking that he would interrupt him again. John just looks down at his now empty plate feeling ashamed. He didn't really know how to respond. John couldn't just blatantly tell Sherlock that he's been depressed for years and that his coping mechanism was to harm himself.

Slowly without John noticing, tears were rushing down his face and onto the plate. "You need to stop this John. This is a warning. I can help if you ever need me too, but I don't want to see you harm yourself." Sherlock said in a normal voice as if this subject wasn't so hard to talk about. As if John, wasn't crying right in front of him, tears streaming down.

Sherlock then adjusted his clothes and got up. With his hand, he moved it to John's hair and gently tossed it around, and then left the kitchen, going into his own bedroom. John, on the other hand, didn't.

Still staring down at his plate. His tears were beginning to pool together. John wiped his face feeling all embarrassed. He had just confirmed what he was doing behind everyone's back. That he also just cried right in front of someone as well. Feeling ashamed and embarrassed, John wiped his face with his sleeve and got up. He went into the restroom and decided to take a nice cold shower.

John took off his clothes slowly, letting it hit the floor making a little sound. The water from the shower was at its right temperature. He got in and let the water run down from his head for a few minutes. Tears were again streaming down his face while this ordeal was happening. John felt like he couldn't keep on living like the way he was living. He felt so useless and not even worth a penny. John crossed his arms and looked down. Then he opened his mouth and screamed, with little to no sound coming out of his mouth. He wanted to actually scream out loud, to be able to curse, to shout out names for who had done wrong to him. To shout out how worthless and how he shouldn't be living. Though he knew better not to.

After an hour or so had passed John finally decided to get out. John just dried himself well enough and cleaned off the foggy mirror and looked at himself. He didn't notice himself at all. He noticed someone else. A man who had bloodshot eyes, a pale body that was full of cuts and scars. John then turned around and changed into his clothes he was wearing before. He wasn't going out anytime soon.

Once John left the bathroom, he went into the kitchen and just laid on the long couch staring at the ceiling. He didn't know how long he stayed in that position, still awake until he heard Sherlock call after him. He lifted his head and noted that it was dark outside. He proceeded to turn his head and using his eyes, followed Sherlock quick movements around.

"John there's a case. Some lady has been murdered. Want to come?" Sherlock said gleefully. Happy that there was finally a case to satisfy his needs. Though John still felt the opposite. He didn't want to do anything but harm himself. He declined, sinking deeper into the couch the releasing the pressure off himself when he heard the door close, and when he heard the footsteps going down the stairs.

He knew how long Sherlock was going to be out or so he thought. Afer another few minutes of staring off into space. He stood up and wobbled to the kitchen. He grabbed a banana off the counter and slowly went into his room.

Eating the banana replenished his energy. He felt a little more sturdy than before and was beginning to feel better. Though it wasn't enough for him to change his mind.

John was going to keep harming himself and he wasn't sure he was going to stop this time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock used his thumbs and added pressure onto John's wrists, trying to get a reaction from John. John then begins to whimper in pain and starts to squirm around, trying to get out of Sherlock holding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love some feedback :)))

John looked at his arms and legs. He wasn't sure that he should do this. He knew, that if he did do this, there wasn't any turning back and he wasn't going to stop once he started. He grabbed the blade and placed it on his arm. Everything around him was a blur and all the sounds around him were silent as well. Then his mind and body focused on one thing he thought he didn't have to worry about.

John heard his bedroom door open and then close. He lifted his head already knowing who he was going to see. Sherlock is staring right back at him, his pupils dilated from surprise and a hint of desire.

Sherlock locked the door and then goes to John. He sat down right behind John, and him being in-between his legs. He scooted in closer and Sherlock leans in, lips close to John's ear and begins to whisper things. "I came back because I forgot something then I noticed you went to your room. I knew this was going to happen." Sherlock stopped talking and licked his lips, waiting for John's reaction which was a small shiver.

Pressing against John, Sherlock began to speak again. "I can't handle myself anymore. I told you not to do this anymore. But did you listen? No, you didn't, so don't move." John breath quickens scared for what's about to happen. He squirms and tries to say that he was sorry, but Sherlock with one arm, wrapped around the arm that had the blade pressed against it.

With the other hand, he slides his hand from John's shoulder to his hand the one holding the blade against his wrist. Sherlock with a sinister grin began helping John add pressure and started talking again. "I'll help you then." He starts nibbling on John's ear, then on his neck going back and forth from the two spots. "If you want to keep harming yourself, then, by all means, let me help you. Let me help drag the blade across your wrist. Let me watch you wreck yourself and be all vulnerable, let me see and help." Sherlock said, chuckling slightly towards the end of what he was saying.

John pushed the blade deeper with Sherlock help and slowly dragged it across his arm. Sherlock just laughed when he saw the blood slowly ooze out. "I want you to only cut when I'm around. If you're going to be reckless then I'm going to be here. If you need to do this. Get me." Sherlock said, growling towards the end, thrusting his body closer to John as if it was even possible.

John was high off his mind from the adrenaline and the long cut his arm had just endured. Which was one of the reasons why John moaned when Sherlock got closer to him. John then cuts his arm again over and over, each time the cuts got deeper and deeper until Sherlock had to intervene. "Stop. I still need you alive," Sherlock says kissing John on the cheek. Then turning his head to kiss him on the lips. Never noticing, John had tears going down his face. Until Sherlock stops kissing him and stares at his face. He licks John salty tears and smiles.

Sherlock gets up, straightening himself and then grabs John's bloody wrists and pulls him up. He pulls him into the bathroom where they kept a first aid kit. Sherlock makes John sit down on the toilet and wait for him to gather what he needed. John just sat there sniffling and had glassy looking eyes, staring off into space. Sherlock put the things on the floor and went on his knees so he can address John's wounds on his wrists.

Sherlock pulled John's arm close to his face and sniffed his bleeding arms. He then licked it smiling up at John. He then looks back down to his arms and kisses it multiple times then finally. Sherlock begins to clean John up while talking. "You're mine now. All mine. I get to see you slowly break down, begging for someone to save you... Heh, all mine." Sherlock said, sounding incoherent towards the end since he was saying things now in his mind.

Wrapped in bandages now, Sherlock used his thumbs and added pressure onto John's wrists, trying to get a reaction from John. John then begins to whimper in pain and starts to squirm around, trying to get out of Sherlock holding. Sherlock then laughs and stops for a second only to resume again. Sherlock did this over and over again, each time harder. Around the eighth time, John fainted from the pain and Sherlock stopped laughing. He got bored and just lifted John to his bedroom.

Sherlock went into his room very happy. He didn't think this was going to happen for at least another month. He didn't know John was going to give up this quickly. Sherlock laid in his bed, staring up at the ceiling thinking about everything. Thinking that how John succumbed to him and broke down in front of him. The thought of the blood slowly coming out of his John and in pain was making him aroused.

Sherlock cock was getting hard, twitching when he kept thinking about John. He started to imagine what he will do to him in the future. He will at some point make him beg for him to hurt him. Sherlock smiling starts to move his hand around in a circular motion and fondling his testicles.

Causing some stimuli to go up to his stomach. He was loving how he was feeling. He hasn't felt this great in years. Sherlock imagined that sooner or rather quicker John will be doing this to Sherlock. Giving him pure bliss.

Sherlock imagines how he will suffocate John, strangling him, making him struggle for air. To the point where he is almost unconscious. Sherlock had a bunch of images made up in his mind for what he will be doing to his John.

He closes his eyes, then groaning at the wonderful feeling he was feeling. He then cums in his hand, letting out a low and loud groan. Sherlock pulled out his hands from his pajama bottoms and grabbed a tissue from the nightstand and cleaned himself up.

He rolled over on the bed, sighing happily, happy at the thought that soon later John will be joining him in this bed. He entered his mind palace and went to an inducing sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I can make you beg for me. I can give you all the pain and pleasure you desire John. Don't you want that?" Sherlock said

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After Sherlock "owns" John and that whole ordeal is over I will write longer chapters and such. But for now ya'll are getting these. Also There will be smut in the next chapter maybe... I don't know... Okay biiiii :)

Hearing the alarm ringing caused John to wake up in a blinding stir. He looked at the clock as he always did, squinting, trying to look at the time. He noted that it was 8 in the morning and that it was time for him to get up. When he got up, his arms felt sore and that's when he remembered about last night.

He looked at the bandages and his lips fell into an unhappy smile. John was contemplating that if he should leave his room. Then his stomach grumbled and that's when he knew that he should go to the kitchen to eat. Plus he knew that Sherlock would always wake up late. So off he went into the kitchen.

John boiled some water and made tea. He then went to the table, sitting down with a plate that had a scone on it and a cup of tea on the other hand. Eating his food, satisfying his stomach he began to think about what happened yesterday and how he was feeling. He was still feeling pretty crap and still felt suicidal. Then his mind wanders over to Sherlock and what he did. He helped him slit his wrists and laughed in a psychotic way. Then afterward he helped him clean him up, only to inflict more pain. Still thinking about what happened, he didn't notice who walked into the kitchen getting a cup of tea himself. But when he closed the cabinet roughly, it grabbed John's full attention to him. John turned his head back quickly and picked up his scone again and took a bite out of it.

Sherlock smirked at how John was feeling around him. He poured himself tea and put it down so it can cool. He then tied his robe closed and walked towards John sitting next to him. Sherlock slowly drank out of the cup and stared at John, seeing his facial expression and grinning at him as well. Sherlock decided to just do whatever he felt like since he did claim to him, that he will be his now.

He leaned towards John's face, causing John to stop what he was doing and just face forward staring off into space. Sherlock's lips ghosted over John's ear and then he went down to his jaw line. He sniffed him before he bit him. "Hey!" Shouted John, then hearing Sherlock laughing leaning back into his seat. "I'm bored John. Greg doesn't have any cases for me. He would usually message me around this time." Sherlock said then leaving the kitchen to go lay down on the couch.

John looked into the lounging area and just nodded his head in disbelief. "Well we need to talk about yesterday," John said then mumbling more towards himself. "Maybe that will help with your boredness."

Sherlock knew what was going to happen and just decided to go with it. So he turned around facing the outer room and waited for John to sit in his armchair. "Fine. But there isn't really anything to talk about. You're mine and that's all that matters." Sherlock said. John just walked in and began talking. "That's the point. What if I don't want to be yours. You just automatically own me. I'm not an object just to claim over. Plus what you did wasn't what a sane person would do."

Sherlock got up and walked to John facing him very closely. He knew doing this made John lose his train of thoughts and uncomfortable. "What you do, a sane person wouldn't do as well. Also, what's the point I can make you want me." Sherlock said then leaned into John's cheek again and then sticking out his tongue, licking and sliding it up to his earlobe. "I can make you beg for me. I can give you all the pain and pleasure you desire John. Don't you want that?" Sherlock said, then going down John's neck to lick his nape and bite down.

John's breath hitched and a little groan came out. " You'll be mine, and I'll give you all the pain you think you deserve and I'll give you pleasure as well. Your suicidal mind should just accept it because no matter what. You are mine and you will obey whatever I tell you to do." Sherlock said growling towards the end. Sherlock hand wanders around John's thinly clothed body and began rubbing one of his nipples.

"No.." John breathed out slowly trying to move away from Sherlock. "You're a fucking wanker. Get away from me you cock!" John said but then was stopped by Sherlock's hand tightly gripping onto his wrists. In pain, he flinched and sat back down. "You will not deny me, John. You are mine. How many times do I have to tell you? Do I have to teach you a lesson?" Sherlock said not letting go of his grip. In fact, he tightened his grip making John whimper in pain.

Sherlock gratified in the fear that played through John's eyes. Though making John scared may not be a smart move, but he wanted John to know what was going to happen and to get the facts straight. That any attempt to leave him would be fruitless.

John didn't respond back. His eyes just wide and his nostrils flared made Sherlock smile and added his face to his memory.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He opened John’s mouth and scooped all the cum that was on him in there. While he had his mouth open, he took the opportunity and bent down lower to spit in him. “Soon my pet, you will be wishing for me to this and to fill you up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. Honestly, I'm a slow writer and have no excuse but I just didn't feel like writing this. But I want to finish so here ya go. Um if there are any mistakes please tell me. And I would very much like your opinions.  
> AND I will update this once a month(giving myself deadlines or I'll never post)

Sherlock didn’t care. Not any longer, he couldn’t wait for his pet to obey and love him. No, he was going to teach John that he is his. Of course, John being John, his instincts kicked in. He pushed Sherlock away after he bit him. He kicked his stomach knocking the air out of him. He tried going down the stairs to leave when all of a sudden he felt a pair of hands pushed him.

John went tumbling down the stairs, his head hitting hard onto the ground once he reached the floor. Sherlock quickly thought that it could be a way for him to be cared for and didn’t regret pushing him. He will condition John and show him that he loves his pet. Sherlock is willing to do anything to make sure that John wouldn’t be able to make it without him.

The now quiet room deafened Sherlock. Hearing his own heartbeat made him grin. He went down and checked to see if nothing was broken. Luckily for poor ol’ John, nothing was broken, but bad for Sherlock. Sherlock pulled out his phone and texted his Holmes connection. He told them to bring supplies to decorate a room and to find someone who can break a bone in a snap of a finger. Meanwhile, Sherlock sat in front of the lifeless looking body, that will soon be his. He shivered in pleasure and smiled a cheeky grin.

The guys from the Holmes connection finally came, came with a hall filled with objects. Sherlock was becoming impatient and quickly directed one guy to pick John up and lay him in his bedroom. Then to come back up and help.

Once everybody was in the room they looked at Sherlock waiting for further instructions. “Listen you lot. I will reward all five handsomely but first, do what is told and never speak of it.” They all nodded their heads vigorously know how well they will be paid. “I want you guys to paint this room all black. Then to set up the things that I told you guys to get. There are plans if you idiots still need help in the corner. Is that understood?” Again, they nodded their heads. “There’s food in the fridge. There's extra money if you guys think there should be something else added or need more items. I will be in my room, so don’t bother me unless it’s an emergency. Also, remember… If you steal anything from this house, there will be consequences.” With that, Sherlock turned on his heel and walked up to his bedroom.

He looked at his perfect little pet. Sherlock sat down next to him and petted him. He looked peaceful. Sherlock calculated he will be up in 3 hours, but since his bones will be broken his conscious will probably want to keep him under for a few more, so maybe in 6 hours. He lifted John’s arm and just plopped it down. Slowly Sherlock lifted John’s shirt and kissed his smoothed stomach, slowly going down south towards his privates-- patches of hair tickling his nose down. Sherlock lifted his head and stared at John for a second. He forcefully pulled himself away from John and got off the bed. He took off his bottoms rather quickly. The bed creaking-- Sherlock was climbing on top of John-- having each leg on both sides of John.

Sherlock loves the view he was seeing, thinking that it would’ve been even more perfect if John was awake and enjoying his view. He slowly started rutting himself against him, his erection slowly growing bigger and bigger with each movement. Oh how badly Sherlock wanted to just flip John over and fuck him then and there. How he wanted to make John have small movements in his unconscious state. For him to wake up to the sound of Sherlock moaning his name, to realize that there’ll be cum inside of him soon. That he’ll eventually get hard and forcefully cum as well. But he knew better not to and to wait.

Sherlock didn’t like the friction any longer and pulled his cock out from his underwear and let it free. Precum was already spewing. He grabbed one of John’s hand again and made John’s hand held his cock. Sherlock threw his head back groaning; though not loud enough to be heard. He was making John jack him off and it was the best feeling to Sherlock. He loved how his pet’s hand was feeling on his cock. He kept moaning, he loved the fact that this will be a daily thing. Sherlock’s stomach was tightening and he felt a huge orgasm coming on. And sure soon enough Sherlock came with a grunt and cum went all over John’s face.

Sherlock leaned forward panting from the heavenly blissed orgasm he just had. He played with his cum on John’s face with his finger at first and then had a lovely idea. He opened John’s mouth and scooped all the cum that was on him in there. While he had his mouth open, he took the opportunity and bent down lower to spit in him. “Soon my pet, you will be wishing for me to this and to fill you up.” With that, he closed his mouth and smiled. As much as Sherlock would love to lay in bed forever with John, he knew he has to clean himself and John. He doesn’t want them to smell like sex or gross later on. So Sherlock rose himself up and cleaned himself first and then John. Although he made sure John still had his cum and spit in his mouth. Just things that nobody needs to know.

After cleaning Sherlock went on his phone and handle a few business affairs. Hours have passed and Sherlock felt like it was taking forever, but soon he received a text message from one of the people in the next room. The guys had finished and everything was set up. Sherlock got up and went into the room to check it out himself. He looked around was satisfied. They boarded up the window perfectly and then put a black tarp over it to blend in with the black walls. There were lights that you would see at hospitals, brightening up the whole room with its fluorescent bulbs. A small twin size mattress on the floor. Of course with wonderful covers and pillows that looked like it cost a few hundred of dollars. Behind the door there were toys, whips, weapons, and etcetera, hanging on little clips. Sherlock thought that of course these toys will be moved out into the hall until he can trust John to be with them. On the other side of the room, there was a table that had restraints on the four corners. Oh, this will definitely do well, for now, Sherlock thought again grinning.

Ushering everyone out took longer than Sherlock anticipated. He paid them handsomely like he told them, but for one. The one he didn’t pay yet, was the guy who was willing to break John’s leg and arm for extra cash. Sherlock brought the guy to the room where John was. The guy saw John in different clothing-- which was sweats and a white t-shirt. The guy looked at John and did what he came for. John moved in pain, subconsciously not knowing what was happening. Sherlock watched him twitch for a minute before going limp and just like John, so did his cock. He licked his lips and smiled asking the guy to carry him to his new bedroom. He paid what was due to the guy and told him to see his way out.

Sherlocked kneeled down by John and began chain his arms and legs making sure he wouldn’t try to run away. Not that it mattered since he broke his leg and will have a cast on. With this time Sherlock found that it was a perfect time to put John’s casts on. But he could wait til John wakes up so he can set the ground rules again. Yet this time, this time he won’t be able to run away.


End file.
